I'm Danny Green and they call me the Green Machine! I’m also a practical joker and I love a laugh. You know how many people I fool each day on my phone when they ring me and I’m pretending to be Joe from Iggy’s Deli? What about the German media? I told them I was a tank commander back in Australia and they swallowed every word. In Canada, the press were amazed as I told them how I prepared for the Eric Lucas fight by wrestling underwater with my pet crocodile ‘Snappy’ who has no teeth. I even told James Toney I’d turn his ‘Light’s Out’ if he didn’t turn up for sparring. I’m just a joker. That’s why I change my hair colour all the time. Blonde, black, green, white and brown. You never know what I’ll come up with next.

Hey, I’ll let you in on a little secret. I was just joking in the ring after the Sean Sullivan fight. I knew I won. I just wanted to get back at a few of my mates from Perth in the crowd and watching around the country. I owed some of them big time with a new gag. I thought I’d play one huge one to catch up on them live around Australia on television. One of my best ever!

But there is one thing I never joke about. Everywhere I go, all everyone wants to ask is when is Mundine going to fight me. I just tell them to ask him for themselves…if they can find him. He never answers my challenges. Or better still, talk to Briggsy and ask him. He’s sparred us both. Go and ask Paul Briggs who would win.

So what, Mundine stopped Sullivan. Big deal. Who do you think softened him up first? You’re trying to tell me that the Sean Sullivan back in March looked like the same one a few weeks ago? Mundine calls himself the ‘Man’. More like the ‘Mouse’. He calls me a ‘bum’, but look at how he ran against Manny Siaca once he hit the canvas. You think he would have sparred with James Toney in Los Angeles? You think he would have stood toe to toe and took ‘Lights Out’s’ best shots? You think he would have even stayed in the gym when Toney said he was going to get his gun to shoot me?

Mundine will get his. When he loses to the winner of Manny Siaca vs. Mads Larsen, then he’ll come crawling to me looking for a world title shot. Just wait till you see the hurdles I make him jump through then. He’ll be running down the streets of Perth wearing a green wig and tutu…just to get me to look at a contract.

Yeah, let Mundine fight around the country in Liverpool, the Gold Coast, Redfern or wherever. I’m heading to the USA next year with the WBC title around my waist to fight in Las Vegas, New York and Los Angeles and hang with my friends Sly Stallone, Mel Gibson and Mr T. What a great guy that Mr T is. And don’t bother ringing me on Tuesday nights at 7.30pm either. It’s ‘A-Team’ time with Mr T on TV1. When I was in Los Angeles a few weeks ago, I was talking to ‘T’ and asked him how he thought Mundine would go against me. “I pity the damn fool…” he replied.

By the way, whenever someone asks me about the Markus Beyer head butt, I ask them ‘what head butt?’ There was no head clash. I was just whispering in his ear that he was going to be knocked out. You ever seen a fight doctor take so much control in a fight to get the outcome he wanted? Or a promoter?

But look, if I do have to go back to Germany to fight Christian Sanavia or Markus Beyer, that’s fine. I can’t wait to win the WBC title and give promoter Wilfred Sauerland a big sloppy kiss on the lips. You think Beyer looked scared in the ring during our fight? You should have seen him out the back when I opened the dressing room door for the urine test and there he was with the doctor. Scared the hell out of him when I chased him down the corridor trying to tackle him. Instead of getting his sample in the jar, it just ran down his leg.

Now promoter Mogens Palle is saying he doesn’t want Mikkel Kessler to fight me in Perth in December. Why can’t these promoters and managers just let their boxers fight? Palle, Sauerland…Nasser, they are all the same. They want to protect their fighters and have home town advantage. I go to Germany to fight. I go to Canada to fight. Come to think of it, it makes me wonder though why should I have to fight Kessler anyway? I beat Beyer and got robbed. Then I beat Lucas. So what if I needed a little extra time to get fit again? Briggsy and I have to fight more eliminators to get to a world title than anyone else in boxing history.

Wait till they see me take care or Omar Gonzalez this Wednesday night at Panthers. When they see the ‘Green Machine’ in full flight, Beyer, Kessler, Mundine, they’ll all be back-peddling even further trying to make sure I fight someone else. But I know what’s going to happen. When I’ve got that world title around my waist, then we’ll see. Then we’ll see once and for all who really is the ‘Man’.

Note: The opinions expressed in this column are not necessarily the opinions of Danny Green, Greeny, Team Green or the Green Machine either.